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God, I Wish.

from WEAR YELLOW by Acrimonia

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about

this is all fake ive made it up the truth i couldnt take
i called you a liar while i put up this front
the memories are coming back wish i could put them on the rack
i swore nothing had happen to me for nine whole years i couldnt see

for years ive hypersexualized
yet still failed to realize
what had really happen those nights
and why im sill so terrified
lights off im paralyzed
lights on im analyzed
god i wish youd fucking die
i hate that i have your eyes

how to tell whats make believe
or if this even happen to me
is this an idea falsely conceived
have no sense of reality
at least ive finally realized why im so deranged
everything that was said and done i was so estranged

for years ive hypersexualized
yet still failed to realize
what had really happen those nights
and why im still so terrified
lights off im paralyzed
lights on im analyzed
god i wish youd fucking die
i hate that i have your eyes

carrying so much guilt and shame
acting solely to shift the blame
not onto you but to me
cuz i cant stop livng selfishly
when will i choose to see this awful thing created me
when will i choose to see this awful thing created me

the guilt is weighing heavily
my actions were misjudged
stored everything conveniently
all those memories are smudged
gotta solve this mystery
while you still fucking walk free
forgive me mom but you cant see
forgive me mother im sorry

for years ive hypersexualized
yet still failed to realize
what had really happen those nights
and why im sill so terrified
lights off im paralyzed
lights on im analyzed
god i wish youd fucking die
i hate that i have your eyes

this situation is out of control
i wish i could but i cant let go
i wish that youd just let me go stop grabbing me please let me go
let me go stop grabbing me get your fucking hands off me

bash my head against the wall
laying lifeless in the hall
while you scream watch myself bleed
crying at your fucking feet
when will i choose to see this awful thing created me
forgive me mom but you cant see
forgive me mother im sorry


for years ive hypersexualized
yet still failed to realize
what had really happen those nights
and why im sill so terrified
lights off im paralyzed
lights on im analyzed
god i wish youd fucking die
i hate that i have your eyes

credits

from WEAR YELLOW, released March 14, 2020

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Acrimonia Boston, Massachusetts

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